(no subject)

[mmegaera]

Things have completely fallen apart with my sister, mostly but not completely on a personal level, but *I'm* going to be okay. She wanted to push me into this particular assisted living place before I could even sleep on it so she could go home to Texas next week, but it's not the right place for me. Granted, I'm way too agitated to be making decisions like this right now, but I at least need to talk to my palliative care specialist to see what I'm *capable* of before I make a decision like this.

I have a guardianship service holding things together for me and getting me to appointments, etc., who will help me settle somewhere better, and, thank gods and my parents, the money to pay them. After this experience, I'm pretty much abjectly terrified of asking for volunteer help because it would have be to be iron-clad reliable and the "I can help" would have to come attached to, "I will not wait until you tell me what I can do -- instead, I can see you need this and I will come do it at thus and such a time and place -- is that soon enough?" I know that's not possible, so don't offer and that's okay. I know that sort of thing is an unreasonable request, especially when made by someone who's always prided herself on her independence and really doesn't know how to draw on friends in a reasonable way in a time like this.

I'll update as I'm able, so please don't ask. And this *is* just an update. The overwhelming sympathy is lovely, but it *is* getting overwhelming [wry g]. I mostly just need to write this out.

Comments

Re: Alas!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>Everything you say is good. Unfortunately, the situation has blown up *way* beyond my worst nightmare.<<

That sucks.

>> No control, no one reliable to call on.<<

Unfortunately that's common in America today, a lack of personal and public safety nets. They wonder why people are so anxious and depressed now, it's not just that stressors are increasing, but that fault tolerance is decreasing. Smaller families and fewer community ties mean less help when things go wrong. And the government is not picking up the slack.

>>he is putting me together with hospice next week, which is the soonest things can happen.<<

I hope that pans out.

>> But my only two real alternatives are to get into some sort of place where I can wait to die, or jump the hoops and months to get into Washington's Death With Dignity assisted suicide thing. <<

:( I'll miss you.

>> Frankly, at least the latter would give me more control. <<

Control is vitally important. Without that, even a physically comfortable place tends to be miserable, because it's all arranged for someone else's benefit, not yours.

>>And who knows if my will will even get followed now, because who's going to carry it out?<<

Likely not. America has an unfortunate tendency to base events on who has power, not on what is right or even legal. I assume you've checked all the obvious routes like consulting a lawyer, or determined that those are unaffordable.

>>The guardianship service turned out to be bogus, too, on a legal level. So I don't even have that anymore.<<

That sucks too. :(

>>Anyway, Ann's flying back to Texas on Monday. Without me. Thank god.<<

Small mercies.

I'm sorry that things are so awful right now. You deserve better.