to clarify

[mmegaera]

In a shameless bid for more good thoughts (please understand this me trying to be humorous, and take it in the spirit in which it is intended).

I knew this last week, but today I had my surgical consult. Turns out I have cancer. It's uterine, of an unusual variety. I won't know the exact outcome until August 24th when I go in for the after-surgery checkup and report, which is why I can't get more specific. I am having a hysterectomy on August 8th. The best case scenario is your plain garden variety laparoscopic hysterectomy in which the surgeon snags every last bit of cancerous tissue and wishes me a good life. But there are other possibilities, including a radical cut-you-open hysterectomy, on up to what I gather is a fairly small chance (again, surgeon hedging her bets from what it sounded like) of chemo and/or radiation.

Anyway, I "get" to have a CT scan and an MRI and bloodwork and an EKG before the surgery.

And I would greatly appreciate any and all positivity possible sent my way.

I can't say I'm not scared, because at this point I'm kind of terrified. But I'm getting good care, and I really liked the surgeon. A very kind lady.

Oh, and on top of everything else, I ended up with an infection from the biopsy (this would *not* be the first time I've had an infection in this area -- I am seriously prone to them in my lady parts no matter how they try to prevent them -- my lady parts laugh at the very concept of sterile instruments), so now I'm on 10 days of antibiotics to kill it and the fever, loss of appetite, and serious malaise this started causing over the weekend.

Anyway...

Comments

[annathepiper]

More hugs, hon.

If it helps, the hysterectomy I had didn't wipe me out too much; really, what kicked my ass more than anything with that whole procedure was my ovaries coming out too, and the resulting surgical menopause.

Small chance of chemo/radiation sounds promising, anyway. I never had chemo, but I know several people who did, and it certainly did a number on my mom. Radiation IS something I have direct experience with, and... meh. It wasn't fun but it was bearable.

Best of hopes for you to have as painless an experience as possible!

[mmegaera]

Thank you, Anna.

With menopause in my rearview mirror six years ago, at least I won't have that issue to deal with.

At this point I'm more concerned with the logistical fall out (I live alone, and while I do have friends, the whole concept of dealing with the practical stuff is overwhelming), and the fact that I know without a doubt that I do not have the emotional wherewithal to deal with this, nor can I just create it out of nothing, is the hardest part.

I had *just* gotten past my mother's death last January to the point where I could even consider writing again. AAMOF, I'd reread the WIP that went AWOL for the first time since December the *day* before I got my diagnosis. Cutting myself slack on that when it's normally what keeps me sane is hard, too. I need that as a prop, especially now.

Anyway. Thanks for the advice from someone who's been there done that. It helps.

[annathepiper]

Oh god yes I hear you. My own bout with cancer kicked my creativity in the teeth, and it was a nasty cycle of "I'm stressed out because I'm dealing with medical crap when I want to be writing" -> "I can't write because I'm stressed out" -> "I'm even MORE stressed out because I'm not writing"!

And yeah, getting any diagnosis that contains the word "cancer" at all is fucking terrifying, even if it turns out to be low-key like what hit me.

[mmegaera]

Well, wait till you read my next post. The term ludicrous springs immediately to mind.

[ndrosen]

Long distance virtual hugs. I hope that the nice lady surgeon gets everything that needs to go.

[mmegaera]

Thank you.

[hedda62]

Wishing you all the best and holding you in my thoughts!

[mmegaera]

Thank you.

[threeringedmoon]

I have been thinking of you. Thanks for the update. I wondered, after your last update, that it might be uterine cancer. At least two good friends have had hysterectomies after this diagnosis, and they are both doing great.

[mmegaera]

Thank you.

Yeah, except for the weird way my cancer has presented, which apparently makes all the doctors seem to want to hedge their bets way more than I'm comfortable with, is the joker in the pack. I don't think I'd be panicking nearly as much (my mother and two of my sisters had hysterectomies-- my mother lived to be 92, and both of my sisters are still going strong) if that wasn't the case.

[thnidu]

BLESSINGS and prayers for good health. I send you some of the same care-feels I gave my wife when she had cancer.

[sraun]

Good luck!

We've been through the 'doctors hedging their bets' thing.

My wife had a hysterectomy, and then a couple of years later they had to open her up to take out the fibroid that they'd left in the first time. It had, IIRC, tripled in size in two years, when the original surgeon hoped that it would wither away due to lack of blood. We went in with a 20% chance of finding something cancerous, leading to that wide-open cut-out-anything-suspicious option. Started laparoscopically, the mass was too big and dense for that, so they ended up having to cut her open anyway. But it was benign, which was good news, so they didn't have to do the drastic surgery.

Hope that helps! Good luck with your eventual outcome!

[castiron]

Thinking of you and wishing you the best as you go through the testing and surgery.

[rivendellrose]

I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through all of this. It sounds like you've got a really good surgeon and that the whole medical team is being careful. I hope the surgery on the 8th of next month goes smoothly and that you have a nice easy recovery. Sending virtual hugs.

[archangelbeth]

Oh, Stars and Elements.

*hugs muchly and is thinking positive thoughts and hoping for the minimalist version of things*

[philomytha]

Sending you lots of good thoughts and prayers. I'm glad you have a both kind and competent doctor.

[xinef]

I'm esp glad that you like your surgeon since so many have too large egos to pay attention to anything except the surgical situation itself. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way, sorry I'm too far away to do much else for you.

[dfledermaus]

I wish you the best possible outcome, and Fledermaus and Nyxe will purr their hardest for you.

[stoutfellow]

Damn. From the way you wrote earlier, I suspected something in this direction, but I was hoping not....

You'll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

[filkferengi]

I know you're scared, and with good reason; it *is* scary. You've done your research, & you're doing the right things with the right people. I hope all your healingses go well.

[mmegaera]

Thank you. But read the next entry [hysterical laughter which is better than crying]. It gets curiouser and curiouser.